Pacify: v. "quell the anger, agitation, or excitement of"

Pacifiers seem to be one of the number one baby items given to and accepted by new parents. Almost every baby you encounter has one in their mouth a vast majority of the time. 

There is a time and a place for a pacifier, and there is a time when pacifiers can be detrimental and should be avoided.

The History of the Pacifier 
The first soothing items used by parents for centuries were water or honey dipped knotted rags, "gum sticks" made of stone, coral, or bone, and wooden beads. 
It wasn't until 1901 that a "new and original design for a baby comforter" was introduced by Christian W. Meinecke. This pacifier resembles most modern pacifiers, made of a rubber nipple attached to a shield. 

These initial pacifiers were definitely not up to today's standards and were commonly processed with sulfur, tinted white with a lead-containing compound, and the disk shields were made of ivory, aluminum, and sometimes bone. 
By the 1940's latex and silicone nipples with a plastic shield were the norm, produced primarily by Binky Baby Products of New York.

Need
Babies experience a primal inherent need to suck. This need stems from the evolutionarily tuned desire to find the breast, nurse, and receive nutrition. This is a wonderful reflex that helps to bring in the mothers milk and sustain her supply.

Some babies do appear have a more persistent suck reflex than others, insisting on sucking for a soothing, comforting, non-nutritional purpose. 

The Pros of the Pacifier
Whether you are breastfeeding or bottle feeding a pacifier can be useful.
Breastfeeding - your baby has a seemingly insatiable need to suck. This can be exhausting to a nursing mother who's baby cries when not sucking on the breast. A pacifier can act as a replacement and allow the mother a break. 
Bottle feeding - Bottle fed babies are at greater risk of being overfed, and therefore overweight if they are continually given a bottle of milk when their soothing suck reflex is confused with a hunger suck reflex. Pace feeding can help this issue, but if not, a pacifier at the end of a feed will continue to allow the soothing sucking reflex without overfeeding the baby.

The Cons of the Pacifier
There are times when a pacifier can be detrimental. 
Breastfeeding -  nipple confusion can be a reality and a challenge for some parents. Not every baby will have an issue going between breast and artificial nipple. Since we can not know which baby will or will not have a problem, it is best to err on the side of caution and wait until the baby is a least 4 weeks old, or better, until the mother's milk supply is well established at 6-8 weeks. 
Artificial Nipple - Extended use of a pacier can deform the palate and cause oral and dental issues later in life. Additionally, pacifiers may contribute to an increase in ear infections.

Non-Judgmental Support
You should never feel judged for using a pacifier. If it's what's working for you and  your family, then you should certainly feel great using one! If issues arise, they can be dealt with and solutions can be proposed to move forward. You are not ruining your child forever by using one.

Nor should you feel pressured into using a pacifier so the baby "isn't pacifying at the breast." If you love snuggling with your baby all day, every day, and have no issue with the amount of time your baby is on you, then go for it! A baby does not NEED a pacifier. You are not ruining your child forever by not using one. 

My daughter has flown 5 times in her first year of life, and I have to tell you; It's been really easy. 3 out of the 5 times, I have even been by myself.

Through these travels, I have discovered some helpful tips and tricks for flying with a baby.

• A child under two can fly in your lap for free. Since they normally want to be snuggled on you anyways, save your money and skip buying them a seat.
• Babywearing is your best friend. It frees up your hands, calms them down, and keeps them from getting overstimulated. Your child has to be unwrapped or at least untied and unbuckled for takeoff and landing. Pre-tie your wrap so you can pop them in and out of it when you need. We like Solly Baby wraps, they are lightweight, and do not have to be retied often.
• If you're breastfeeding, try (if you can) to wait to nurse them until you're on the plane. It gives them some comfort and helps their ears adjust to pressure changes. 
• Most people are incredibly helpful. Let people put your bag up in the overhead, run something to the trash can, etc. If you look like you need something and they offer. ACCEPT, you focus on snuggling with your baby. 
• Unscrew the cap of a straw sippy cup before you open it. We use a tommee tippee cup when we travel, since you can close the straw in. We opened the straw to give my daughter some water, and it squirted out and on the head of the person in front of us!
• Let your child be themselves. My daughter is a budding extrovert, meaning she loves to talk to everyone and gets energized by doing so. She waves, smiles, giggles, and talks to anyone that will look at her, and yells at anyone who won't look at her. If we tried to make her sit still and be quiet, she wouldn't understand, and she would get upset that we don't seem to like her natural behavior we like every other time. Plus it's a bonus if people think your child is cute and likes them, they'll be patient with a lot more.
• Relax. You can not control your child. If they're crying, relax into it and have empathy for what they are going through. A plane is scary, it's loud, it bugs their ears, there are lots of people to overstimulate. Even worse, their mommy might be clearly frustrated and upset, which must mean there's something wrong. Take a deep breath in, exhale and drop your shoulders. 
• You will likely never see these people again. To the person who is giving you looks and glares. To the person who huffs and puffs. To the person who can't sleep because your baby can't sleep. To the person who is trying to make you feel awful because they're annoyed by your baby. Get over yourself.  I don't say that lightly. Mammas (and dads) we have enough going on besides worrying about other people's slight inconvenience. They can put their headphones in, stare at their own book, and just get over being annoyed for a few hours.

Most importantly, it is only a slight amount of time in your life. You are a strong person and an incredible parent. You can handle this. Wrap your baby up in a carrier, snuggle and kiss, hum a song, rock back and forth, and just stay in your own little world with your child. 


P.S.
Unsolicited ad for Southwest: We now never fly anything besides Southwest (when available). You get two checked bags for free. There isn't a fee to use your airline credits if you have to reschedule your flight. Families with a child under 6 can board together between the A group and the B group. They've taken to presenting their safety announcements with humor, which starts the flight off on a good note. I feel all of these components make them very baby and family friendly.  

Gender Roles: "a set of societal norms dictating what types of behaviors are generally considered acceptable, appropriate, or desirable for a person based on their actual or perceived sex." 

Have you seen this new hashtag? #MDRNFTHR ? The Modern Father.

​An Instagram feed showing the masculine member of the household doing a typically feminine task. Started by Little Boogaweezin aiming to develop a brand for the modern members of a family in today's world. 

The feed so far shows fathers

• Spending time with their children
• Vacuuming 
• Stroller cruising 
• My favorite - Babywearing 

This movement speaks to me on so many levels. 
I've posted a few photos of my husband wearing our daughter and a very typical response is "You're so lucky he does that". 

I am not lucky my husband takes care of my baby.
I am not lucky my husband does the dishes.
I am not lucky my husband helps with the laundry.
I am not fortunate my husband works and allows me to have my job.
I am not fortunate my husband doesn't expect me to stay home.
I am not blessed my husband treats me so well.
​
I am not anything because my husband.

It's not about luck, fortune, or blessings. It's about the roles my partner and I have established for our relationship and how we do what works for us and our family. 

We've removed the expectations typically defined by Mother/Father, Male/Female, Husband/Wife gender roles. We've moved past shoulds and should nots. We've created an existence that allows for the perfect amount of support for each member of our household. 

I am thankful for my husband and everything he does for our family, for our daughter, our corgi, our marriage, our household, our life. But I am not lucky; it is not expected that he or I be the primary person responsible for a task typically assigned to one gender. 

Whoever comprises your household, remove all preconceived expectations and feel how liberating it can be.